Archive for December, 2009

Sean Ford

Equal playing time. It seems to be the goal of every parent who watches their child from the stands. Nothing deflates a child like the feeling of being less worthy or worse, unwanted, while they stand on the sidelines play after play. And nothing angers a parent like the look of disappointment on their child’s face as they turn from the sidelines and look at their parents, shrugging, with their palms facing up.

When parents register their children to play a sport, do they understand the type of sport they are committing to? I think most times, the answer to that is no. Parents seem to be caught unaware of the progression of sports from an instructional type league to a competitive type league, and honestly, I blame the leagues for that problem. Many leagues are not forthcoming when the discussion turns to playing time and I disagree with this approach. But let’s discuss the progression and deal with the solution to the problem at a later date.

Instructional play is generally the basis of all teams at a very young age. T-ball, rec basketball, town lacrosse, E level football, soccer; all examples of sports played by kindergartners through 2nd grade with an emphasis on instructional play. For many young families in Walpole, their introduction to youth sports tend to fall into one or more of those instructional level sports… and they love it. Little Johnny and little Stephanie are running up and down a field with their team like a ten headed monster trying to devour a ball. Occasionally, the little athlete scores a goal or makes a great play and the entire family is set for the rest of the week; they’re thrilled! Grandparents congratulate the little tykes, parents are enthusiastic, and the players are beaming as they leave the field or court. Life is grand!

Coaching advice

But what happens later on when a competitive atmosphere emerges? Almost as incredulously as a slap in the face, parents are left wondering what is happening? Why is coach not playing my son or my daughter? Why is that boy playing all the time? Great, my child’s team has won the game, but now I have to ride home in the car and try not to show my own disappointment while building up my child’s confidence at the same time. What gives??

Welcome to competitive play, where playing time is not equal and the coach is tasked with winning the game. Is it a win at all costs scenario? Some times. Does the coach know what’s he’s doing to the children? Mostly, and believe me, there are coaches that eat themselves up inside if they feel as though they’ve slighted a child. Of course, there are also coaches who have made peace with the methods and the outcomes. It is what it is, and I’ve personally been on both sides of that coin. I tend to be more of the former and less of the latter; I don’t enjoy it all the time, but when it comes down to disappointing 1 or 2 boys over the disappointment of an entire team over a loss… I pick the benefit of the team.

For me, the most painful transition time from instructional to competitive play tends to be in the 10 – 13 year old range. It’s right around 5th grade when a child and his/her family realize that the play time has decreased. What follows is a difficult progression of stages:

1. Shock and surprise. Wait a minute. What’s going on? Why isn’t my child getting into the game. Probably just a mistake. Then 3 games later with no improvement we move on to the next step.
2. Disappointment and anger. Consoling the child, trying to smooth it over, while at the same time commiserating with a spouse or a friend, disparaging the coach, and then relegating yourself to move on to the next step.
   

   Youth sports family

3. Confronting the coach. There are many different ways in which parents confront the coach about a lack of playing time. In some instances, there’s a very abrupt exchange which never ends well and never settles the situation in any direction; this thing just festers. In most instances, it’s a civil exchange of questions and answers. The civil exchange generally ends well, but the parent is usually not happy, just better informed.
4. Skills improvement. This is when some level of effort is expended in order to either improve the young athletes skills by increased practice time, extracurricular training, or a simple change in attitude towards ‘the game’, OR it’s a try-as-hard-as-you-can and then give up strategy. Next step.
5. Realization and acceptance. Ok, we’ve been at this sport for a few years now and you know what, either you’re having fun or you’re not. If you’re having fun being part of the team, then you have to accept your role and make the most of it, but if you’re not having fun… last step.
6. Quitting. Moving on from a sport which you had previously enjoyed is difficult. I’ve had lengthy discussions with parents and players on this very subject. If you’re lucky, the child finds a new sport at which they either excel or just plain have fun playing. If you’re unlucky, the child deals with a bit of depression and has nothing to do.

Of course, there is the flip side to this issue and that is the progression into competitive play and excelling at it based on above average athletic skills. Now we’re talking some fun. The family pride and the player’s swagger when it’s realized that the youth athlete is actually very good at their chosen sport or sports is something to experience. When your child is a leading scorer or skilled defensive player, a top notch goalie, a starting point guard, the quarterback, the star running back, the deadly pitcher, or the killer catcher, well then you fall into this world of extreme highs and doors are opened where your child is exposed to the best of the best. Championship games become realizations, MVP awards are possibilities, and dreams of further success take flight.

As in life, the progression whether it be up or down is simply that, a progression. It’s a pathway that happens and your child will follow a path with which s/he feels most comfortable. Families, too, begin to move towards the sport where the child has the most success; some become known as a football family, a soccer family, a lacrosse family, a baseball family, a basketball family, etc. That is not to say that a family is only one thing, of course that is not true, but there does tend to be a force towards one universe over another. It’s a grouping, and it’s community building, and it’s good for the young athletes as well as the family as a whole.

So, yes, the transition from instructional play to competitive play can be challenging; for some the transition is difficult, for others it is easy, but it’s change that we can live with. The secret to this transitional time is the positive attitude of the player, the positive attitude of the family, and the guidance of the parents.

Remaining positive and supportive is probably the secret to most things in life, and so it is true here as well.

- Sean